Tuesday, 29 July 2008

I


Time...

Time is immortal.

But, I'm not. I had my time, but I wasted it. I'm running out of time. I don't think I can comeback now. Back to my life. The life I wanted. I guess my time's up. The only door open before me is not the one I had wished for. I had the keys to all the doors. Well, most of them. But, I lost all of them on my way. And, I have only one left with me. In reality, I didn't keep it. I'm stuck with it. There's another door without any key. But, I'm too afraid to open it. In the end, all doors lead to it. This is just a shortcut. I had thought about opening it many a time. But, if I did people would call me a coward. I don't want to be remembered as one who was too afraid to face the realities of the show called 'LIFE'. But, wait. Who's going to remember me? Have I done anything worth remembrance? Have I been able to make a difference in anyone's life? The answer, is most obviously, a no.

I'm sick of this life. But, can this be called a 'life'. This is not life. This is called existing. I'm alive just because I haven't ceased to exist. Life turns out to be mere existence when it's drained of all emotions. My mind is filled with desperation. Me and the world around me is feeding it. It's getting bigger and bigger day after day. And it's eating away my time. One day, I think, it will turn into a monster. And, I will be consumed by it. I need something. Something to hold on to. Something that can save me from this monster.

I want to be heard. I want to be understood. But, nobody's listening. And those few who do, doesn't seem to understand. When people are ready to listen and understand, I'm too afraid to talk. I don't want anyone to know what bothers me. I don't want others to be involved in my problems. I want to remain a mystery. Everything that's in my mind should remain there and they should die with me.

I'm a bit too cold hearted at times, I think. I don't know how or why I came to be like this. All I know is that now I'm. I don't care for others. Sometimes, I don't even care about myself. Behind my smiling face I hide. I'm what I'm. But, I'm not the one I wanted to be. I'm not the one others wanted me to be.

Some think I'm strange. I'm just different. I'm alone and I want to be alone. Sometimes, my mind wanders. Sometimes, it leaves completely. I live in my own little imaginary world, 'cause I'm fed up with the world I actually live in. I can't seem to get out of it. I'm stuck in it. Even when I wished to get out, I couldn't. I want to reclaim my life. I'm trying. Trying hard.

I'm hoping for a bright new dawn, when someone would walk up to me and hand me the keys I lost on my way. Then, I'll open the door and holding her hand, walk till the sun sets on our lives...



9 comments:

Anonymous said...

machoooooo....

kidilan post.
its full of a rare realisation...
great yar..

good work.

expecting more from you...

keep it up man....


--logan

Anonymous said...

and one more thing

good language...

great yar...

The Legend said...

@ logan

Thanks yaar...

Bristow said...

The language and the way of presentation is marvelous. But what you have written here is just absurd thoughts (purely offense meant). I don't wanna write a long comment here, instead I'll catch you by neck, move you towards the wall, twist your hand to your back and then secretly keep the keys which you have lost on the way one by one.

CIAO

Bristow.

The Legend said...

@ bristow

Easier said than done.

RoHiT 'Z' CoOl said...

da.....

reminds me of compulsive confessor....

well coming to the blog, what you have written here might be true, But none's gonna agree a 100%. It might/can be an illusion of what sami is to himself, or to others. Your attitude,style, carelessnes are all the things that made u our favourite sami....

Anyway, I think some of the keys you lost on your way are coming back. Last couple of weeks I've been watching you, you are not the same old s3-4 guy.
More energy and enthusiasm, try to get over himself, now started a blog, got nice scores in Traveler IQ( got back an inch of self confidence), got quite a good score in that TIME thing( proved to himself that he hasnt lost all the keys yet...!)

enough for a genuine comment? reply me

RoHiT 'Z' CoOl said...

well, on what you wrote about life, its hypothetical... Perception of environmental misbehaviour in an absolutely bullshit('ish) way....
{ Im creepy at times !)

Devidas said...

I could see self-realization, guilt, anxiety, perturbance of valid thoughts in quite quintessential time and above all the thirst to get a better prospect and a new pavement in future.
desire makes man run, thirst for success makes man burn the midnight oil, and the combination of the duo is what can make the wishes of "I" come true.

P.S: remove word verification

Nivil said...

sorry for bein l8... used to check ur blog daily d days u started it... as usual, u din write...
nyways.. nice one to start off wid.. lotta thing many othr ppl wud like to keep to themselves... if u genuienly had these feelings, let me tell you man, it's not ling b4 u gt bak all d keys..

It might/can be an illusion of what sami is to himself, or to others. Your attitude,style, carelessnes are all the things that made u our favourite sami..
not an illusion bt true.. even thoug ur attitude will make u n instant hit among ppl, rohith failed to mention that it'll destroy u, as u've inevitably found out urself...

superb language.. good work